Clouds of uncertainty
No medical practitioner can diagnose me.
No medication can fix me.
I’d hate for you to think that I am most of the time depressed, and only think negatively, but this happens quite often. And my hope is not to persuade you as the reader that I am a total nut-job. My only goal is to be understood. I wish someone, anyone, could feel what I feel. Let me state that I am by no means asking for your sorrow. Do NOT pity me, but please do understand me.
I become so angry.
I get so entangled in the assumptions I’ve made.
No. I wish I could say these were assumptions, but I know that they’re truth.
My assumptions, start out as assumptions.. But after years and years of rejection, they’re no longer assumptions are they? It’s almost like it has been engraved in my head. It’s permanent. Can you taste even a hint of what it feels like to feel like you will never be loved? I have been in relationships, but not once have I ever been someones first choice. Never. Not once have I truly felt loved, or liked for that matter. This angers me. I lash out. I don’t mean to be so dramatic and needy, but I’ve just become so frustrated. The instant I think “this may be the one” in steps another girl [usually thin and absolutely flawless] and my chance is shot. I don’t stand a chance. Ever.
All I hear from friends is “He must not be the one. Someone special is hiding behind closed doors waiting for the perfect moment to embrace you in his arms ” but to be honest, that doesn’t catch my tears and it means nothing to me.
Who’s to say when Mr. Right makes his appearance i won’t be completely ruined, for I am certain I am close to it.
