Where am i?
Things have been happening so quickly and I’ve been slipping between the cracks that I didn’t even know existed. It feels like no matter how hard I try to be a good person, a good friend, a daughter of God, it doesn’t matter. Nothings matters to anyone. So what’s the point? Sometimes I wished I wasn’t a caring person. Some people have to force themselves to care, but I just do. I can’t just NOT care. I to this day still care about the biggest jerk I have ever met in my life. The boy that caused me the most pain. I still wish the best for him, and if the opportunity presented itself, i’d still be his friend. People don’t understand me. I get told that I don’t deserve what I’m getting dished by the people I care most about, and I know I don’t deserve to be treated poorly, but I’m a selfless person, and sometimes I just don’t care about what happens to me, if it means it will benefit someone else. But it still hurts. It still feels like I’m being walked over, but i NEED to help people. I don’t know why. I don’t know. But I get so attached on a deeper level than most people would want me to, and I guess that scares them. I really. have NO idea. But it hurts me that people can be so selfish and my feelings don’t matter to them.
I don’t know how to detach myself. I don’t know how to stop caring about a person when it’s time to. Or how to give them space. I can’t end on bad terms, and that makes me “Crazy.”
i’m so confused.