torn lace.
As I sit here desperately trying to fit these pegs into the peg holes called life I realize they’ll never fit. There will always be something stopping me from completing the puzzle. something guarding the hole, a broken peg maybe… or perhaps tied hands.
Why is it that every.single.time I get close to someone (a boy), they never stick around. Not only do they not stick around, but they refuse to tell me what changed. What I did wrong, did I do something wrong? Is it me? Is it you? I can’t just accept the fact—I’m sorry; So don’t tell me to. I need to know why. Some sort of explanation.
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
but it always happens. and i mean always. There isn’t a single fella that stops talking to me randomly. Without warning.. Without any signs. It just happens. Out of no where and it really honestly kills me. Nothings worse than not knowing where you stand in a relationship with someone. There are so many instances where I dust off my resuscitators and try to bring a dead relationship back to life. It seems like I’m always the only one putting forth any effort and I don’t understand. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for someone to just see me as a beautiful individual that has a lot to offer and appreciate who I am. This isn’t a joke anymore and it’s not “no big deal” anymore. It kills me. I’ve grown so much and it STILL doesn’t matter. I don’t get why I’ve been battered around so much and tossed to and fro and fooled with and broken. I care about people so much. so.freaking.much. If you know me, you know that’s true. And all I want for anyone is happiness, but i’m at my breaking point and I need someone to to care about MY happiness for once. And I mean genuinely care. Seek to it that I truly am happy. Because right now I’m not.
So what happens when I run out of pegs?