May 2011
1 post
Boston.
When we’re together no words need to be spoken. i trace your lips with my fingertips, stare into your eyes and i know. you run your fingers up and down mine and your breath hits me like the winter’s wind. Still nothing is said, yet i know exactly what you’re thinking. exactly what you’re feeling. i know. I know because I feel exactly the same. In this moment i am lifted to...
April 2011
2 posts
breakable girls and boys.
This isn’t the first time, and it most definitely will not be the last. I’m not sure you know what it feels like to constantly be replaced, overridden, and shit on. not only by assholes, but your sister as well.
I spend so much time tweeking who i am and changing myself so someone in this world will give me the time of day and accept me. The instant you hear me talking about having...
why yes.
you are every thing i want, because you are every thing i’m not
February 2011
1 post
stilll.
I still feel as though i’ll never be good enough for ANYONE. it’s not anyone has done, i believe. I think i still just hate who i am. the soul i possess, and the body that possesses my soul, even more.
until i’m okay with my body, i’ll never be okay.
January 2011
1 post
Struggles slowly subdue
It took me almost 18 years to fully understand the concept of Love.
I’ve always had this feeling up emptiness and this feeling of worthlessness…like I’m not good enough for anyone, and I never will be. All I could think about was why can’t I just find some body that will love me? I see all of these people happily in a relationship and I’ve never really had that.I...
October 2010
2 posts
Where am i?
Things have been happening so quickly and I’ve been slipping between the cracks that I didn’t even know existed. It feels like no matter how hard I try to be a good person, a good friend, a daughter of God, it doesn’t matter. Nothings matters to anyone. So what’s the point? Sometimes I wished I wasn’t a caring person. Some people have to force themselves to care, but...
torn lace.
As I sit here desperately trying to fit these pegs into the peg holes called life I realize they’ll never fit. There will always be something stopping me from completing the puzzle. something guarding the hole, a broken peg maybe… or perhaps tied hands.
Why is it that every.single.time I get close to someone (a boy), they never stick around. Not only do they not stick around, but they...
September 2010
3 posts
I've got to say
I’ve got to say, I’m feeling more lost than ever at this point. Things just aren’t making sense and my desperation for being loved is settling back in.
I never overcame. I guess I was trying, but I built up a wall instead of dealing with the problem. And now my wall’s crumbling and i’m faced with the problem again. There it is, staring me in the face.
Words...
i sometimes forget
I think it’s easy for us to get caught up in our lives and forget just how much our Father has done for us. How he scooped us up into the palm of his hand when we didn’t know love. When we didn’t know ourselves. Nothings the same once we’ve encountered the love of Jesus Christ. The love of Jesus Christ has no bounds, it has no limitations, it has no conditions. It lives...
Why the FUHK do i settle for such stupid people.
When will I ever get it? Probably never. i seriously want to rip out my brain
July 2010
2 posts
Sliding backwards.
This sucks. I’ve been missing my party days a lot lately.
I just wanna have fun.. but not at the price of losing my Jesus. Torn.
God's people
are my people. I don’t hang out with non believers BECAUSE they’re nonbelievers.
I do it because they aren’t healthy for me to be around. Without something to live for, what DO you live for?
June 2010
9 posts
All I want is a place in this world. but even that, I cannot have.
Everythings a fight. Nothing comes easily, nothing moves smoothly.
And to be honest, I am sick.of.it.
Again.
It’s really no big deal, honestly. so why does it hurt so bad?
thoughts-of-grace asked: Oh Megan I just read your post. Congratulations on your milestone in your walk with God. You have quite the heartbreaking story but I believe He will use that to help others like yourself, if you let Him. Remember everything you've been through has made you the way you are and you're beautiful inside and out. I love your soul (: Let me know if you need anything, prayer, a Bible verse, or...
One Year.
It has been exactly one year today that I came to Christ. No. It has been exactly one year today that Christ came to me.
So much has changed. You cannot even fathom how much has changed. Everything has turned completely around, and I am so greatful for my savior, Jesus Christ. I wish the world could hear my story. I wish the world could feel the way I felt that night. One night, one instant,...
Untitled.
I have liked this boy. Go figure. That’s all I seem to blog about, but I truly believe this boy is different. Not that HES different, or maybe he is, but the situation is definitely different.
We have been friends for a while. And when I say friends I mean I tell him things and trust him with them as i would trust someone with my...
thoughts-of-grace asked: bahahaha thanks Meg (: (:
i really, really
am enjoying Rookie of the Year.
Joy and I used to listen to them in 8th grade-i looove ‘em.
>:O
Will will not sign my yearbook.
He’s about to get a beatdown. :]
May 2010
2 posts
Looking back
Looking back over my 100 and some posts I have visual proof that i’m an inconsistent finger pointing jerk.
One minute I’m fine. The happiest camper ever. And the next I’m a wreck. The kind of wreck that happens when you run out of gas on train tracks.
As for pointing fingers: I’ve blamed a lot of my problems on the following people: My father. Griffin. Justin. Steve....
April 2010
4 posts
Clouds of uncertainty
No medical practitioner can diagnose me. No medication can fix me.
I’d hate for you to think that I am most of the time depressed, and only think negatively, but this happens quite often. And my hope is not to persuade you as the reader that I am a total nut-job. My only goal is to be understood. I wish someone, anyone, could feel what I feel. Let me state that I am by no means asking for...
Searching.
I search myself for a reason. One good reason. I carefully look over my hands and feet, arms and legs, fingernails, every hair on my head. I turn my head from side to side, observing my facial features. Searching for a reason. I stroke my left arm, and it calls my name. The stripes that were once deep valleys are now filled with scar tissue. Slightly raised. Slightly faded. But still there.
I...
not.in.the.mood
Here comes Meg, finishing second again.
There’s always somebody standing right between me and the person I happen to like at the moment.. this time it’s my own blood.
March 2010
3 posts
Whose hand to hold
My mind is doing summersaults, and I’m desperate for a scrap of attention. Throw me your left-overs, it doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll take anything.
Jealousy tugs on my left hand, and greed slips between my cold, pale, fingers. At the same instant, a man dressed in white gently takes my right hand. His fingers are delicate and quietly intertwined with mine.
My left side...
Today...
Was not an easy day.. by any means.
It’s not easy telling your dad you don’t want to live with him because you’ve been exposed to his secrets. Nor is it easy to be guilted into feeling like you’re to blame now for his sadness.
Being the ONLY good thing in your dad’s life, is not always a good thing. Dad, get some help. I can’t mother you anymore, I refuse to.
thoughts-of-grace asked: Ha Meg you make me laugh. I hope I don't annoy/bore you with my posts! (:
February 2010
16 posts
TUMBLR.
Dear tumblr, i forgot you existed.
Now I understand why people sometimes forget I exist. Does it hurt you as much as it hurts me?
February, the month of love.
Oh how He loves me.
I’m growing so much in my faith, and I honestly think it’s because God’s seeing I’m giving up that parking spot i’ve been saving for “Mr. Right” and giving it to him. He shares that spot with NO ONE. He’s been showing himself to me more and more, and I’ve been so happy!
Also, i will soon be leading a song for worship for...
Keep your eyes on the road, Meg
I’ve come to realize I’ve been looking in the wrong direction for a long time. Always focused on something else. Never worrying about what I should be worrying about. Looking in my rear-view mirror instead of what’s in front of me. do you catch my drift? I’ve been keeping my eye cast backward, and missing what’s coming my way. It’s not just a glance. It has been...
Look inside
Maybe my face isn’t the prettiest. Maybe my hips could be a little narrower. My eyes a littler lighter. My boobs a cup smaller. My hair an inch longer. My waist an inch smaller.
But really, is the world seriously coming to the point where we can’t look past all of that? Since my depression hit hard, i’ve gained a lot of weight. A lot. Like 40 pounds and since then I’m not...
Snap.
In the blink of an eye i snap.
I was totally fine 10 minutes ago, until people stop replying. Sounds so dumb, but it’s so hard for me to keep myself together when I feel ignored.
This is getting so old.
tug-of-war
So, it never really bothered me that my parents divoroced. Probably because I don’t remember much regarding that point in time. I wasn’t too young, in 4th grade maybe.. maybe 5th. I really have no recognition [I don’t remember bad things. when im upset, mad, i later forget everything that happened] So anyway.. My parents divorced when I was the big kid in elementary school or...
thoughts-of-grace asked: Haha well I am quoting you slightly... but just in case it came off creeperish I thought I'd throw that in there (:
thoughts-of-grace asked: I'd very much like to get to know you better (: [[not to sound like a creeper (; ]]
yerr mom
dylanbrightbill:
its not a question. sometimes you are a really big jerk, but you dont even notice it. so i suggest you work on that. be nice to people who are just trying to be there for you, and who need you to be there for them, with some people, little things make their cookie crumble. eventually that leads into bigger problems.
Well well well… I just LOVE things like this. Oh so much. Im...
Flaws
We all have them. Not one single person is perfect, because who’s to say what perfect is?
It is impossible. No two people agree 100 percent on everything. No two people agree 100 percent on the same thing. Where do you want to end up? What is your dream? Follow it. But don’t expect anyone to be following it with you. Follow YOUR dream. not the crowd. Not what’s easy. And...
Poems get me so excited.
Today in English we read a poem called “A Psalm of Life” by Longfellow We ripped this poem to shreds and I gained a lot from it.
it’s so exciting that the closer I get to God, the more he shows up in my life. EVERY.SINGLE.ASPECT of my life revolves around him. for choir, almost every song we’re singing sings of this wonderful God. In English class we’re reading about...
I'm in a mood.
My day was absolutely horrible.
I don’t understand how I’m supposed to ever rely on anyone when my own father continuously lets me down. It seems like such little things, but they play a huge role in my issues. I’m always being forgotten about. By friends, my own father. Something so simple. Yet i sat at the doors for an hour waiting for you bawling my eyes out because you let...
assumptions
Here is what I’ve concluded over the years. call me judgemental, i call it observant. I’m not dumb. I know that there is reasoning behind everything and that there are many things that play into the following topics.
Drug addicts: Whereas you think you’re “addicted” to weed/maryj/bud…whatever you fancy to call it.. you’re probably not… You’re...
break-through
This weekend at winter retreat I was changed. I let go of everything, and I let God fill me with his love.
I’m feeling good. [well, minus being sick]I i’m actually happy. and i don’t feel alone.
I hope this lasts.
January 2010
23 posts
Truth is.
I’m alone. I feel so alone.
Even when I have someone sitting right beside me. I need people in my life. Nobody’s willing. Either because they’ve held a grudge from the past, or i just don’t fit their standards. That or they can.not.stand.me.
Breathe.
Now.
If you’re out there sing along with me If you’re out there i’m dying to believe that you’re out there stand up and say it loud if you’re out there
tomorrows starting now.
I can sing this song surprisingly very well. we’re singing it for choir this semester! yah!
Truly shocking..
caitklondyyke:
Number of gallons of water saved in one year, by peeing in the shower daily: 1,157.
I PEE IN THE SHOWER!
it saddens me
it saddens me that no body stuck around long enough to see how much i’ve grown.
All the credit goes to you God <3
thank you for giving me
strength courage hope and love to keep me going.